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Shadow's First Date
Demi - August 27, 1997

The following article was sent from Demi as a good humored parody of the recent statement made by Shadow. Just grin!

A while ago, Shadow was concerned with the well-being of his social life, afraid of the possibility that his life on IRC was taking up too much of it. So, with the help of yours truly, he was well on his way to having his first very own blind date. As told through the eyes of Shadow himself, take a look at what happened!

Preparing For the Date

I was so excited when I heard I was going to be going out on my very first blind date. her name was LeQisha, and she was from the ghetto, but I didn't let that bother me. I prepared myself for the date in the best ways I knew how. I dressed in my finest pair of jogging pants and my favorite Dragon Ball Z t-shirt. I had some chocolates for her but I ate them all by mistake, so i put a Nintendo game in the middle of the box and hoped she'd treat it just the same (I know i would have). I picked some daisies from the back yard the other day when I heard about the date, but by now they had wilted. I hoped she wouldn't mind.

I had prepared a fine evening of wining and dining for the two of us; my mom would be chauferring us first to McDonalds, where we would spend a quiet evening there amongst fine food and atsmosphere. Later on, after dinner, we would see a movie. I want to see spawn; I've heard there's some good makeout scenes in it. I'm sure darling LeQisha will be dazzled off her feet at this impressive display of showmanship, i might even get to kiss her goodnight afterwards.

The Date

I told my mom to drive me over to LeQisha's at about 7:00. I have school tommorow, so i don't want to be out past 10 or so. My mom said she was just right in the middle of something, but i didn't care. This was MY evening. I didn't want her selfish attitude to spoil it. So, I just nagged her until she stopped what she was doing and came with me. i think she used some four letter words i'm not supposed to hear yet.

We arrived at LeQisha's, and she looked beautiful as I could have ever imagined. she was about 6 feet, 1 inch tall, and i'd guess about 220 pounds. she wore a hot pink top that showed off her nice jungle titties, matched perfectly to a pair of neon orange biker shorts. she told me 'whatever the hell yo white ass has in mind, forget it right now, boyfriend!' ahh, she called me her boy friend. she likes me, i can tell.


As we pulled up to the drivethru, I yelled at my mom. I tried to calmly explain to her that this was to be a romantic evening, we would be dining inside. LeQisha gave me a wierd look. I'm sure she was thinking what I was thinking by this point. My mom, naieve as ever, stubbornly shook her head and proceeded to pull into a parking spot. Mom asked me, "will you bring me back a Quarter Pounder? You ordered me out of the house just as I was about to sit down for dinner." heh, mom sure had something coming to her. Being able to chauffer Shadow around is a privaledge; mom should be the one owing me something in return. Besides, mom was just useless baggage anyhow, she plays a very insignificant part in the big picture of my life. once I use her for her car and things like that, she's of no use to me.

We entered McDonald's, and waited in the line. It seemed like the line was taking forever, but I think it was only because I was so nervous. LeQisha and I were eyeballing each other over for a while, I'm pretty sure she is the kind of woman who can appreciate a good Dragon Ball Z t-shirt when she sees one. Boy, have I ever found the right woman.

As we got to ordering our food, I stepped back and let LeQisha pay for the both of us. She boldly replied, "Excuse me?" in that oh so familiar black accent of the like. I plainly explained to her that with all her ghetto connections and probable drug dealings, she would be loaded. see, sweet talk like that is what really pulls the chicks in. But, I think I may have something I shouldn't have, since all she did was slap me and said "talk to the hand, 85".

I just couldn't believe it. Everything was going so well up until now! Not only was I in shock fro the slap, I now had the manager to deal with, since our food was already made and we had no way of paying. I tried to explain to the manager that I was the leader of RPGe and I could make all of his wilest Role Playing dreams come true, but I think he was too mad by that time to listen to my offer. He promptly threw us out of the resturaunt and ruined pretty much most of my date. As he threw us out, he said, "Don't ever come back here again, fool!" Man, was I ever mad at him. I don't know why he got so mad, It sounded to me like i had a reasonable bargain. I was just sad at this point. So sad, I began to cry. LeQisha walked off at this point. I felt only sadder. I will have my revenge on McDonald's, I thought to myself. I'll feel sorry for myself, so sorry that people all over the world will hear! And they will form a petition begging McDonald's to let me back in! yeah! Uh, yeah, that's what i'll do. people are always behind me. After all, i'm Shadow, leader of RPGe.


By that time, my date was ruined. My beautiful dream date had left, I was crying, and I didn't even get to see Spawn. I just don't believe I could have done wrong, people are just always so mean to me. they've all got a lot to learn about life, since i won't ever be as nice as I was tonight ever again to ANYBODY. I had no idea what to do now, except return home and tell my IRC friends all about how unfair the world had been to me tonight. Oh wait, I forgot, i'm still pretending to be pouting on IRC also, to get them to sign a petition to get me back like McDonald's. So I can't make a scene there yet until everybody on IRC sees the error of their ways and takes me back. That manager was so naive. He'll probably never understand the value of a RPG translation. I pity him.

Man, i've got everything pretty much figured out. Life is all about getting what you want, and a good way to do that is whining. By whining, people forget about all the bad things you've done to them and look more to the helplessness you've proclaimed yourself to be having. Soon, people all over will beg to have me back as translator of FF5, and i'll show them all! even that guy at McDonald's! he'll be sorry he ever doubted my translating skills and beg me to dine there. After all, I'm Shadow.

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